keep my eyes fixed ever on Jesus' face

so i listened to ps khong's sermon on direction for your life last night. when i first heard his voice, i almost teared. realized i miss sitting in the front rows at church with my spiritual family and listening to pastor preach. so thanks suang, candy and mum n dad for prompting me to listen to this sermon. it spoke to me SO very much. felt like every single word he said pierced deep into my heart, like God crafted this sermon for pastor to deliver specially to me.

it's so true that i'm so lost and confused. all this planning for the future. plus wondering about whether i should stay on in the States or go back after graduation makes things more confusing. and also the fact that i have to choose next year on by my bdae cuz my s'pore passport expires then. feels like i'm standing at this huge crossroads in my life, and whatever move i make next will impact my future and my life. and i just was stressing out over it SO much. couldn't handle the pressure. but God is so wonderfully faithful. He brought me friends here at taylor who shared the same frustrations and struggles, and support from back home. and i just feel so encouraged knowing i'm not the only one struggling with this. and so very encouraged by what pastor khong said about seeking God for His will.

i've thought it through. maybe music isn't for me after all. and that's ok with me. as long as it's in God's will..i'm trying to prepare myself to give up my passion if it's indeed what He wants for me. maybe i'm not meant to pursue it now, but sometime in the future. u never know. and i realized He may have been telling me His will all this while but i've been blocking it out because i really really want to hold on to my own desires and i refuse to let them go. cuz in my heart i've already decided i love music and i wanna do it in the future so i try to rationalize and tell God my plan.

so i'm gonna continue praying about it, seeking Him, maybe toss a coin :) and whatever the outcome is, i want to follow His plan and not hold on to my selfish ambitions because He definitely knows what's best for me better than i know. no more worrying or running away!