Finding gold in the garbage

The darkest night in history

When Jesus was deserted by all his disciples and everyone wanted him to be crucified, it was his darkest night, and it was marked by one crisis after another.

Jesus saw unanswered prayer - He appealed and called out to God with an urgent cry of help, but there was only deafening silence.
Jesus saw unfruitful service - the very people He came to earth to save were demanding His arrest.
Jesus saw unbelievable betrayal by the disciples - they knew Him and had followed Him everywhere, and yet they did nothing to defend Him.

All the disciples pledged loyalty, and yet all ran away. From the outside looking in, all we see is betrayal. The disciples have left him. The people have rejected him. And God didn't hear him. Never has so much trash been dumped on one being. From a human point of view, Jesus' world has collapsed. No answer from heaven, no help from the people, no loyalty from his friends.

But that's not how Jesus saw it. He saw something else entirely. He wasn't oblivious to the trash; he just wasn't limited to it. Somehow he was able to see the good in the bad, the purpose in the pain, and God's presence in the problem.

We could use a little of Jesus' 20/20 vision, because we live in a trashy world. Unwanted garbage comes our way on a regular basis. We, too, have unanswered prayers and unfruitful dreams and unbelievable betrayals. What are we going to do with that?

Seeing what Jesus sees

You have several options. You could hide it. You could take the trash bag and cram it under your coat and pretend it isn't there. But you won't fool anyone. Sooner or later it will start to stink.

If you follow the example of Christ, you will learn to see tough times differently. God wants you to have a hope-filled heart... just like Jesus. Christ found good in the bad. It would help if we did the same. Those who betray us are victims of a fallen world. We needn't place all the blame on them. Jesus found enough good in the face of Judas to call him friend, and he can help us do the same with those who hurt us.

Christ found purpose in the pain. He chose to see his immediate struggle as a necessary part of a greater plan - necessary turbulence in the plan of God. Where others saw grey skies, Jesus saw a divine order. His suffering was necessary to fulfill prophecy, and his sacrifice was necessary to fulfill the law.

Wouldn't you love to have a hope-filled heart? Wouldn't you love to see the world through the eyes of Jesus? Where we see unanswered prayer, Jesus saw answered prayer. Where we see the absence of God, Jesus saw the plan of God. Don't underestimate God's power - He can change the way you look at life.

God never promises to remove us from our struggles. He promises to change the way we look at them. The apostle Paul dedicates a paragraph to listing trash bags: troubles, problems, sufferings, hunger, nakedness, danger, and violent death. There are the very Dumpsters of difficulty we hope to escape. Paul, however, states their value.

"In all these things we have full victory through God." Rom 8:35-37

God can correct your vision. The solution is not to avoid trouble but to change the way we see our troubles.

"Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles, and pray at all times." - Romans 12:12

'Just like Jesus' - by Max Lucado

Dancing, drama, disappointments, dinner

I know it's a weird title, but it kind of encompasses what this past two days have been like. A whirlwind of frustration, joy, excitement, laughs, fellowship, stress... and things like that.

Monday started off as a normal day - breakfast dishes as usual, even though I didn't eat a scrap of food because I always wake up at 7.45am and breakfast ends at 8am sharp. Eat a piece of cereal one second later and you get yelled it. But whatever. I'm used to 'serving' the community here; in other words, being their slave. But no more complaining. I'm over it.

So then we had our test review on the book about missions that we were supposed to read. I didn't read a page of that book because it was about communication, and 1. my major was communication, 2. I'm done with the whole studying thing and have been since I graduated 7 months ago. The test went okay; I just answered the questions with common sense.

Then our supervisor dropped a bomb on us - he told us we had to stay here on the base for the weekend, and that we couldn't go to London after all. That's already a disappointment. But here's more. The three of us clearly asked him for permission last week, and he laughed and said, 'sure, that's fine, have fun.' We all remember that scene like it just happened, but he claimed it never happened, which is a little fishy, because he told us his supervisor told him we had to do ministry right up til the 21st, the last official day of the program. In other words, it was like he 'forgot' about all that to save himself, and sacrificed us in the process. That was really frustrating.

Also, we'd already booked the coach tickets and hostel deposit, but apparently that didn't matter. They didn't care that we'd already spent the money. We have to stay here no matter what. It's like, the past 4 months we didn't get much ministry to do, and now, all of a sudden, when we finally want to do something for ourselves, we're needed. What. The. H.

So basically it wasn't even our fault. We did the right thing, asked for permission, got it, went ahead and planned the trip. But now they say we can't go. We were going to go from saturday to monday, but now we can only go on saturday and come back the same day. London is 3 hours away, for crying out loud! And that's from Birmingham, not from the base! So we're talking 8 hours of traveling JUST to go there for a day?? And then we have to forgo our hostel deposit and pay for another coach ticket?? These people are so irrational and selfish and rigid, it's completely ridiculous. I'm like, do you WANT me to leave this place with bad memories and negative emotions??

And the thing is, we don't even HAVE ministry to do over the weekend! Just a church service on Sunday and a lunch (hardly what I'd call ministry), and a Christmas party with the youth group on Monday (again, just a party). Plus we've already said goodbye to the church and they don't expect us to turn up again. So I just don't understand. Why are we wasting our precious money and time just to have lunch and go to a party?!?! And it's not like I'll ever come back to England again. It's not that great here. I just want to visit London once in my life. Is that so hard to understand???

So one team member isn't going to go anymore, and her money's going down the drain. Another team member's going to go for one day. And I'm going to ask for permission to go for two days or more. Because out of the five people in my team, one is going home on saturday (so he's not involved in this drama), one is not even going with us to London (so he's not involved either), one has already been to London, and one is staying here longer (so she has more opportunities to go). That means I'm the only one who's losing out since I'm leaving next week already. So hopefully the annoying staff member will be in a good mood tomorrow and listen to my explanation.

Anyway. That left me in a bad mood on Monday. Plus thinking about citizenship decisions again and what to do with my life... it's too stressful. I'm so tired already living here, with all the rules and restrictions, and it tires me out even more just thinking about the future.

But I got over it. And we went with the youth group in the evening to a gym that featured a Wii gym, complete with Wii sports like tennis, golf, skydiving, swordfighting, dancing, jumping... all kinds of fun stuff. It was so cool.

Their version of Dance dance revolution. More mats, more fun!

The hit-the-circle-when-it-lights-up-with-hands-balls-and-sticks game. It was a total workout, running back and forth in our teams, jumping and hitting the lights, and yelling like crazy. My team won 6 games out of 8. Yeah!

Wii Dance. First time playing, but oh so fun!

Today we went shopping in Birmingham (I will miss that place; it's become such a familiar place to us), and then we gave out tracts for an hour. Our last time tracting, thank God. I will not miss this ministry, simply because I don't think it's very effective, and it's always discouraging when you see tracts on the ground, crumpled up and torn. Plus I've never seen anyone come to Christ by reading a tract, so... it just doesn't seem like a very effective way of using our time to me.

We had dinner at our supervisor's place with his family, which was really nice, because they're awesome (most of the time.) Our supervisor is British, his wife is Indian (from Fuji), and their kids are the cutest 10 and 11 year olds ever. They're very hospitable, and I will miss hanging out with them. Plus the food at their house is always good; Indian curry, prata, rice, chilli that's actually spicy... oh we ate so much. And then we watched 'The Nativity Story,' which was actually really well-made, to my surprise. I thought it would be just another cheesy, poor quality Christian movie, but the cinematography, acting, dialogue, and everything was surprisingly good! And it gave the story a different perspective. I would recommend watching it.

A pure heart

Everyone knows you harvest what you sow. You reap what you plant. Yet strangely, what we know when we develop land, we tend to forget when we cultivate our hearts.

Consider for a moment your thoughts as seed. Some thoughts become flowers. Others become weeds. Sow seeds of hope and enjoy optimism. Sow seeds of doubt and expect insecurity.

"People harvest only what they plant." - Gal 6:7
"Be careful what you think, because your thoughts run your life." - Prov 4:23

Suppose someone asks you to look after their house for a week. You promise to keep everything in tip top shape, but when the owner returns, the house is a complete mess. Your explanation is that some hitchhikers showed up and you gave them a place to stay; some guys wanted to have a party and you let them in. The owner then asks you, 'Don't you know how to say no? This is not your house. You don't have the right to let in everyone who wants to enter."

Ever think God wants to say the same to us?

Guarding our hearts

You have to admit - some of our hearts are trashed out. Let any nonsense knock on the door, and we throw it open. Anger shows up, and we let him in. Revenge needs a place to stay, so we have him pull up a chair. Pity wants to have a party, and we show him the kitchen. Lust rings the bell, and we change the sheets on the bed. Don't we know how to say no?

Many don't. For most of us, thought management is, well, unthought of. We think a lot about time management, weight management, personnel management, but what about thought management? Shouldn't we be as concerned about managing our thoughts as we are about managing anything else? Jesus was. He stubbornly guarded the gateway of his heart. Many thoughts were denied entrance.

Jesus guarded his heart. If he did, shouldn't we do the same? Jesus wants your heart to be fertile and fruitful. He wants you to have a heart like his. He wants you to 'think and act like Christ Jesus.'
We can be transformed if we make one decision - Submit our thoughts to the authority of Jesus.
If you give him authority over you, then your guilty thoughts are no longer allowed.

To have a pure heart, we must submit all thoughts to the authority of Christ. If we are willing to do that, he will change us to be like him. So guard the doorway of your heart. Submit your thoughts to the authority of Christ. The more selective you are about seeds, the more delighted you will be with the crop.

A focused heart

"I ask - ask the God of our Master, Jesus Christ, the God of glory - to make you intelligent and discerning in knowing him personally, your eyes focused and clear, so that you can see exactly what it is he is calling you to do." - Ephesians 1:17-18

Life is tough enough as it is. But it's even tougher when we're headed in the wrong direction.

One of Jesus' incredible abilities was to stay on target. His life never got off track. Not once do we find him walking down the wrong side of the fairway. Jesus did what many of us fail to do - he kept his life on course. The heart of Christ was relentless focused on one task - the cross of Calvary - and he completed it. Wouldn't you love to be able to say the same? Wouldn't you love to look back on your life and know you had done what you were called to do?

Our lives tend to be so scattered. We are intrigued by one trend only until the next comes along. Lives with no strategy, no goal, no defining priority. We are easily distracted by the small things and forget the big things.

God wants us to be just like Jesus and have focused hearts.
By answering four simple questions, we can be more like Jesus; we can stay on course with our lives.

1. Am I fitting into God's Plan?

God's plan is to save his children. If God's goal is the salvation of the world, then my goal should be the same. The details will differ from person to person, but the big picture is identical for all of us. Regardless of what you don't know about your future, one thing is certain: you are intended to contribute to the good plan of God, to tell others about the God who loves them and longs to bring them home.

But how exactly are you to contribute? What is your specific assignment?

2. What are my Longings?

Your heart is crucial.
"Enjoy serving the Lord, and he will give you what you want." - Psalm 37:4
When we submit to God's plans, we can trust our desires. Our assignment is found at the intersection of God's plan and our pleasures.

What do you love to do? What brings you joy? What gives you a sense of satisfaction? Each of us has been made to serve God in a unique way.

You are a custom design; you are tailor-made. Regardless of the circumstances that surrounded your arrival, you are not an accident. God planned you before you were born. The longings of your heart, then, are not incidental; they are critical messages. The desires of your heart are not to be ignored; they are to be consulted. God is too gracious to ask you to do something you hate.

Be careful, however. Don't consider your desires without considering your skills.

3. What are my Abilities?

There are some things we want to do but simply aren't equipped to accomplish. Be aware of your strengths. Failing to focus on our strengths may prevent us from accomplishing the unique tasks God has called us to do. 

We cannot meet every need in the world. We cannot please every person in the world. We cannot satisfy every request in the world. But some of us try. And in the end, we run out of fuel. Have a good estimate of your abilities and stick to them.

4. Am I serving God Now?

Want to bring focus to your life? Do what Jesus did. Go home, love your family, and take care of business. Your first mission field is under your roof. What makes you think they'll believe you overseas if they don't believe you across the street?

"But I'm ready to do great things for God." Good, do them at work. Be a good employee. Don't complain or grumble, but work as if you were doing it for the Lord, not for people.

Pretty simple P.L.A.N.

You may find that you're heading in the wrong direction in life right now, but God allows us to start fresh at any point in life. God will give you a fresh score-card. Regardless of what has controlled you in the past, it's never too late to get your life on course and be a part of God's plan.

"From now on, then, you must live the rest of your earthly lives controlled by God's will and not by human desires." - 1 Peter 4:2

'Just like Jesus' - Max Lucado

A worship-hungry heart

People on a plane and people on a pew have a lot in common. All of them are on a journey. Some sleep, and others gaze out the window. Most, if not all, are satisfied with a predictable experience. For many, the mark of a good flight and the mark of a good worship assembly are the same.

"Nice," we all like to say. We exit the same way we enter, and we're happy to return next time. We are content with a predictable, uneventful flight. We are content to sit in church, look straight ahead, and leave when the service is over. Content to enjoy an assembly with no surprises or turbulence. Content with a 'nice' service. 

"Seek and you will find," Jesus promised. If a nice service is what we seek, a nice service is usually what we find. A few, however, are not content with nice. They long for something more. And these few usually leave wide-eyed with the wonder of having stood in the presence of God himself. 

Do we prepare to meet God? Many of us simply wake up and show up to church. We're sadly casual when it comes to meeting God. Would we be so lackadaisical with the president? If we were going to the White House on a Sunday morning, how would we spend Saturday night? Would we figure out what to wear and collect our thoughts and think about our questions? Of course.
Should we prepare any less for an encounter with the Holy God?

We should also come to worship prepared to worship. Pray before you come so you will be ready to pray when you arrive. Sleep before you come so you'll stay alert when you arrive. Read the Word before you come so your heart will be soft when you worship. Come hungry. Come willing. Come expecting God to speak.

Our goal is not to conjure up some fake, frozen expression. Our goal is simply to stand before God with a prepared and willing heart and then let God do his work. And he does. He wipes away the tears. He softens our furrowed brows. He touches our cheeks. He changes our faces as we worship. But there's more. Not only does God change the face of those who worship, he changes those who watch us worship.

Your heartfelt worship is a missionary appeal. Let unbelievers hear the passion of your voice or see the sincerity in your face, and they may be changed. Seekers may not understand all that happens in a house of worship. They may not understand the meaning of a song or the significance of the communion, but they know joy when they see it. And when they see your face changed, they may want to see God's face.

So prepare your heart for worship. Let God change your face through worship. Demonstrate the power of worship. Above all, seek the face of God, and you can leave changed with a new set of wings.

Hearing God's music

"Let he who has ears to hear, use them."

Our ears, unlike our eyes, do not have lids. They are to remain open, but how easily they close. How long has it been since you let God have you? How long since you gave him a portion of undiluted, uninterrupted time listening for his voice? Apparently Jesus did. He made a deliberate effort to spend time with God. If Jesus, the Son of God, thought it worthwhile to clear his calendar day to pray, wouldn't we be wise to do the same?

If we are to be like Jesus, we must have a regular time of talking to God and listening to His Word. Sometimes we have tried but been unsuccessful. Sometimes we have a hard time concentrating. Sometimes we're too busy. So rather than spend time with God, we let others spend time with him and then benefit from their experience in devotional books.

But that approach is like surrogate spirituality. You don't do that with vacations - you don't let someone travel in your place and then come back to tell you how it was. You don't do that with romance - you don't let someone experience it all for you. Certain things we have to do by ourselves.

Listening to God is a firsthand experience. When he asks for your attention, God doesn't want you to send a substitute; he wants you.

Equipped with the right tools, we can learn to listen to God.

• A regular time and place
  Take as much time as you need. Value quality over length. Your time with God should last long enough for you to say what you want and for God to say what he wants.
• An open Bible
  Before reading the Bible, pray and ask God for a deeper understanding. Choose depth over quantity - study the Bible a little at a time.
• A listening heart

"I'm an open book to you; even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.
You know when I leave and when I get back; I'm never out of your sight.
You know everything I'm going to say before I start the first sentence.
I look behind me and you're there, then up ahead and you're there, too - 
Your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much, too wonderful - I can't take it all in!"
Psalm 139:1-6

Let God have you and love you. And don't be surprised if your heart begins to hear music you've never heard and your feet learn to dance as never before.

-'Just Like Jesus' by Max Lucado

The touch of God

Look at your hand. The back, then the palm. Your fingers, your knuckles, your fingernails.

What if someone were to film a documentary on your hands? What if a producer were to tell your story based on the life of your hands? What would we see? Hands folding in prayer, hands holding another's in comfort, hands helping someone else's... Or fists abusing someone else, fingers accusing others, hands taking more than giving, demanding instead of offering.

Hands left unmanaged become weapons. But hands managed become instruments of grace - not just tools in the hands of God, but God's very hands.

Jesus touched the unlovable, the diseased, and the dying because he had a compassionate heart. If he were to look at all the things your hands have been doing all your life, what would he say? Would he be glorified through your actions or would he be saddened?

-'Just Like Jesus' by Max Lucado

Loving the people you are stuck with

We are all stuck with people or situations we don't want to be with or in. Some opt to flee - to get out of the relationship and start again elsewhere, though they are surprised when the condition surfaces once more. Others fight. But a few discover another solution - forgiveness.

Jesus himself knew the feeling of being stuck with someone. For three years, he was around the same people. Not only did he have to put up with their flaws, he had to endure their annoying habits. He heard their unspoken thoughts. He knew their private doubts. He also knew their future doubts.

What if you knew every mistake your loved ones ever made and every mistake they would ever make? What if you knew every thought they would have about you, every irritation, every dislike, every betrayal?

Jesus knew all that. And yet he forgave sins even before they were committed. He offered mercy even before it was sought. He removed doubt even before it was thought. And because he lives in us, we can do the same. Because he has forgiven us, we can forgive others. We can have a heart like his.

Relationships don't thrive because the guilty are punished but because the innocent are merciful. Jesus made sure his disciples had no reason to doubt his love. Are we doing the same?

-'Just Like Jesus' by Max Lucado

Breaking free

We did this session on breaking free from sin and learning how to live in God's ways, and there were different assessments involved. These are some examples. (I'm writing all this down in my blog so I can safely throw away the papers and not feel guilty or bad about it because it will stay here for eternity and I can come back to it anytime).

Trusting Ourselves Appraisal
-Hearing God's word but not doing it
-Thinking we are something when we aren't
-Thinking we will not reap what we sow
-Thinking we can associate with bad company and not be corrupted

What do I want to do about this?

Pride Appraisal
-Having a stronger desire to do my will than God's will
-Being more dependent upon my strengths and resources than God's
-Being more concerned about controlling others than developing self-control
-Sometimes consider myself more important than others
-Having a tendency to think I have no needs
-Finding it difficult to admit that I was wrong
-Having a tendency to be more of a people-pleaser than a God-pleaser
-Being overly concerned about getting the credit I deserve
-Being driven to obtain the recognition that comes from degrees, titles, and positions
-Thinking I've got to have my life in order before God will accept me

What do I want to do about this?

Self-defense appraisal
-Fantasy (escaping from the real world)
-Denial (conscious or subconscious refusal to face the truth)
-Emotional insulation (withdrawing to avoid rejection)
-Projection (blaming others)
-Rationalization (making excuses for poor behavior)

What do I want to do about this?

Personal Worth appraisal
-How successful am I?
-How significant am I?
-How fulfilled am I?
-How happy am I?
-How much fun am I having?
-How secure am I?
-How peaceful am I?

Human Needs

Security/Acceptance: What makes me feel secure and accepted? When I am loved, included, accepted, and complimented; when I have people I love and trust taking care of me, providing for me, and watching over me; when others are interested in my life; when others are with me to face the storms of life...

Sustenance: What makes me feel sustenance? Loving relationships, a good time of rest to myself every so often, when my needs are met...

Significance: What helps make me feel significant? Accomplishments, being of use to others, doing something of good impact...

Achievement: What enables me to feel a sense of achievement? Completing something I'm proud of, getting a job/position I want, doing well at something I care about...

Belief Renewal

I would be more successful if... I base my life on God's goals for me. God has given us life and godliness. We are justified and sanctification has begun. Now I have to adopt God's character goals and be committed to working them out in my life. Success is not based on talents or gifts.

I would be more significant if... what is remembered for eternity is significant. To attain significance, focus on significant activities. Invest in people and do things that will make an impact.

I would be more fulfilled if... I bloom where I'm planted and use my gifts to bless others. We will be more fulfilled if we know our place and make an impact in the context we are in now instead of wishing for more or envying others.

I would be more satisfied if... I live well and produce quality in my relationships, work, and service.

I would be happier if... I want what I already have.

I would have more fun if... I were able to be more spontaneous and uninhibited, and try to please God instead of trying to please people.

I would be more secure if... I learned to depend on eternal things than temporal things. We have little control over the temporal, but we can trust that God will provide for our needs because He promised us He would. We will be most secure if we live according to the values and relationships which will endure eternally. 

I would have more peace if... I resolve internal conflict and learn how to have the peace of God. Walking with God, trusting Him, knowing who He is and His intentions are key to this inner peace.

A heart like Jesus'

I've just started reading 'Just like Jesus' by Max Lucado, because I think he's a phenomenal writer (and a wise one, too). I spotted this book at the church library and was hooked immediately after glancing through the first chapter. What he said was really meaningful and spoke volumes to me.

This is what he writes.

A heart like His

What if, for one day, Jesus were to become you? What if Jesus wakes up in your bed, walks in your shoes, lives in your home, and assumes your schedule? Nothing about your life changes - your circumstances remain the same, your problems aren't solved, your mistakes aren't wiped away - but one change occurs. Your heart gets the day off, and your life is led by the heart of Christ. His priorities govern your actions. His passions drive your decisions. His love directs your behavior. What would you be like? Would others notice a change?

God loves you just the way you are, but He refuses to leave you that way. He wants you to be just like Jesus.

(I think this about sums up what God desires for each and every one of us.)

If you think His love for you would be stronger if your faith were, you're wrong. If you think His love would be deeper if your thoughts were, wrong again. Don't confuse God's love with the love of people. Their love often increases with performance and decreases with mistakes. But God loves you right where you are.

God's love never ceases. Never. Though we spurn him. Ignore him. Reject him. Despise him. Disobey him. He will not change. Our evil cannot diminish his love. Our goodness cannot increase it. Our faith does not earn it anymore than our stupidity jeopardizes it. God doesn't love us less if we fail or more if we succeed. God's love never ceases.

Sometimes we think we can't change, and we attribute our pessimism or bad temper or tendency to lie to our character or nature. But where did we get that idea from? If we have a broken leg, of course we want to fix it. Shouldn't we do the same with our hearts and seek help for our wrong attitudes? We can change, because Jesus can change us.

If we are in Christ, we already have the heart of Christ. If we have given our lives to Jesus, Jesus has given himself to us. He has made our hearts his home and is ready to change us to be more like him.

Team roles and spiritual gifts

We've been filling out several surveys about how we behave in a team, how we interact with others, what spiritual gifts we bring to the table... stuff like that. I usually like doing quizzes about personality and other kinds of crap, so it was fun to fill out the pages of questions and find out my results.

Team Role: Teamworker
Co-operative, mild, perceptive and diplomatic. Listens, builds, averts friction. But indecisive in crunch situations.

Totally true. In another survey, I was the accommodating one.
The last sentence makes me laugh so hard, because we had an exercise after finding out our team roles, and all the team workers were in one group. We had to build a bridge out of magazine paper, and all the other groups were starting construction, but us team workers were busy standing around asking one another, 'what are we doing? what do we do next??' and totally panicking because we didn't have a leader telling us what to do.

My top 4 spiritual gifts: Hospitality, Exhortation, Prophecy, Pastor

I have no idea why these are my top 4, because I'm not sure I see these qualities in me.

Hospitality: To provide an open house and a warm welcome to those in need of food and lodging.
Exhortation: To minister words of comfort, consolation, encouragement, and counsel to others in such a way that they feel helped and healed.
Prophecy: To receive and communicate an immediate message of God to His people through a divinely anointed utterance.
Pastor: To assume a long-term personal responsibility for the spiritual welfare of a group of believers.

And in another survey about Evangelism Styles, I found out (no surprise) that I was most comfortable with relational evangelism - getting to know other people and building relationships and leading them to Christ through conversations and events and my life.

Highlights of seminar week

Last week was our last seminar week, thank God. No more studying after this. For good. What a relief. Most of the stuff they taught us in classes I already knew, thanks to Taylor University's well-rounded secular + Christian education, so I was rather bored in class, to say the least. But I did enjoy several sessions, like the ones on pop culture, sex & sexuality (I always think it's wonderfully entertaining to hear Christians speak on this topic, because they blush and fidget and twiddle their thumbs and try to avoid the entire topic they're talking about - but this pastor who spoke to us was bold and unashamed and interesting to listen to), forgiveness, breaking free, and special skills.

But more on those sessions later.

We had the '80s dance birthday party one evening, and the next we had a Girls' Night/Boys' Night. The guys played Wii Sports and ate ice cream - typical guy stuff. The Girls' Night was great fun because the training team prepared everything and totally surprised us. They decorated the conference room and made it into a beauty spa with different stations - hair curlers + straighteners, nail polish, foot massages, face masks (complete with cucumbers for eyes, which are annoyingly slippery), comfort food, and body massages. It was a wonderful pampering session, and we all totally bonded over serving each other, since we were not allowed to do anything ourselves. It was so nice just to sit and relax for a few hours and talk about girl stuff.

My red pomegranate mask makes me look sunburnt.


We got to go visit a mosque in Birmingham, and the person there gave us a tour of the place, complete with lots of information and answers to our questions. I tried to listen, but I couldn't really, because it was freezing cold inside, and I thought the guy wasn't being very honest with his answers - perhaps trying to only show us the 'good' side of his religion and cover up everything else in a typical British polite fashion. Plus I wasn't very happy about the whole 'men get the huge and nicely decorated hall while women get the ugly dim room upstairs to pray'. Oh and we had to cover up every bit of skin (except our eyes), which was a little annoying, and I got to experience a tiny bit of how the women must feel - inferior.

Everyone was tired and sleeping in the van on the way there.

We did presentations on our Empty Tomb project, where we talked about evidence for Jesus' resurrection and gave counter arguments for stupid theories such as the swoon theory that said Jesus didn't die, He simply fainted and woke up again in the tomb. It wasn't anything I didn't know before, but it was cool how different groups came up with different creative ideas for their 'documentary' on the truth of Jesus' resurrection. For my team, I naturally volunteered to write the script because I had experience with film making. Other teams had ideas like using a grandmother to tell kids the story, or using famous actors to act out the story... stuff like that.

For our special skills session, we learned first how to do magic tricks, which wasn't very helpful for me because I forget how to do the tricks 5 minutes after learning them. Then we moved on to clowning, where we got to act like fools and exaggerate our every movement. It was so hard because I'm obviously not naturally a crazy outrageous person, but it was fun seeing everyone else behave ridiculously. After that, we learned how to do mime, and we did a dance mime to this really beautiful song. The motions of the mime were so in tune with the words that I was so touched just doing it.

So it was a pretty good seminar week; very tiring, but fulfilling as well.

You make beautiful things

Today we went to another (more charismatic) church and I feel like I got fed more spiritual food than I ever have in the entire past two months at our usual church. We knew it was against the 'rules' to abandon our church and go to another one, but I was just so tired of going there week after week and leaving in the same spiritually drained state as before. It's a church filled with great people who love God and serve Him with all their hearts, but somehow I just don't connect with the services. There's not much of a message because different people talk for short periods of time about different things.

So anyway, today's sermon was a much-needed one for me. First of all, the worship was so refreshing and one song we sang, 'Beautiful One,' reminded me of how the beauty of creation reflects God's beauty.

Wonderful, so wonderful, is Your unfailing love
Your cross has spoken mercy over me
No eye has seen, no ear has heard
No heart could fully know
How glorious, how beautiful You are.

Beautiful One, I love You
Beautiful One, I adore
Beautiful One, my soul must sing

Powerful, so powerful, Your glory fills the skies
Your mighty works displayed for all to see
The beauty of Your majesty, awakes my heart to see
How marvelous, how wonderful You are

You opened my eyes to Your wonders anew
You captured my heart with this love
Because nothing on earth is as beautiful as You

It snowed on Friday night, so on Saturday, we woke up to the pleasant surprise of snow blanketing the ground everywhere. It was so beautiful, we couldn't help but stop and take pictures to admire the sight. I've seen snow many times before, but every time I see it, it still takes my breath away. I just love the pure whiteness of snow and how it makes everything look bright and fresh.

Just thinking about how beautiful snow is, and how unique and exquisite each snowflake is, made me realize how even though there's lots of sorrow, corruption, and evil in this world, there are a lot of beautiful things as well. And as beautiful as these created things are, God's beauty far surpasses them.

If you think a sunset is pretty, God is more majestic. If you think mountains are magnificent, God is more glorious. If you think snow or flowers or tress or the ocean is amazing, God is way more splendid and awe-inspiring because He created everything on earth.

So anyway, the pastor talked about how God loves us, and if we really love Him, we will do what He commands not because we have to, but because we simply want to. There are so many rules in Christianity, sometimes people outside of the church look at us in disdain because they think we're restricted in life by all these 'don't drink,' 'don't smoke,' 'don't do drugs,' 'don't do anything fun' rules. But really, rules don't have to be oppressive and restricted. They can be loving and liberating.

We don't have to stick to every single rule in the book, but we do have to obey the house rules. Some of God's laws, like 'don't murder' or 'don't serve other gods,' they do apply to our lives. But other rules we have to use our discernment to see how we can act in different situations. People sometimes ask themselves, 'what would Jesus do?' so they can live like Him. But really, you can't possibly do that with everything.

Would Jesus vote for this political party? Would Jesus drink red wine or beer? Would Jesus read this book or watch this movie? It's pretty much impossible to think about what Jesus would do in every aspect of life, because there are so many grey areas.

Spirituality is an art, not a science. We have to ask ourselves, is this helping me to be more like Christ, or am I doing it just to fulfill a spiritual obligation? The measure of our devotion to Jesus is by our lives, not by us following the rules rigidly. We can all live beautiful lives of faith if we just grow closer to God. The problem with our lives is not because of all the technical rules of Christianity, but because we are not letting God come close enough.

I think that's so true, because when we're not walking close to Jesus, we are walking close to the world, and we will do what the world tells us to do because we can't hear Jesus calling out to us and we can't feel Him trying to pull us back. So like Pastor Khong said many years ago (it's still stuck with me because I think it makes a lot of sense): 
'Love Jesus, and everything else will fall into place.'

All this pain 
I wonder if I’ll even find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You


You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

The controversial world of Harry Potter

With the long-awaited last installment of Harry Potter out in cinemas last week, everyone has been buzzing about the movie. I haven't seen it, because I'm not a huge fan. It's visually appealing with an intriguing plot and amazing acting, but I'm not crazy about the scary moments in the film when evil is so... terrifying. So I've seen all previous Harry Potter movies, but that was only because my friends wanted to, there was nothing else worth watching, and I was curious to experience the magic of Harry Potter for myself. Honestly, it's not a big deal to me; it's mere entertainment, just like any other movie.

Last week, we had a morning devotion about the worldwide phenomenon that is Harry Potter, and it made me realize a lot of things. So here is my two cents about the good and evil side of Potter.

Bad

• It portrays the world of magic in a very welcoming, non-threatening, fascinating, and wonderful manner, which is totally unlike the real world of 'magic' - dark, disturbing, and evil.
• Since witchcraft looks so enticing in the movie (and lead characters are people just like you and me), tons of people around the world are attracted to it and have been signing up to become witches and wizards, without realizing what they're getting themselves into.
• This movie is targeted at kids and teens, who are mostly innocent-minded and have no idea how to discern what's right and wrong. They only see the surface of the movie, and they don't realize the implications of getting involved in the occult.
• There's the ripple effect, which we can see by the huge increase in magic books and movies and toys and schools that have popped up all over the world. Magic has become harmless and popular.

But on the other hand, you can say it's just a movie - mere entertainment - so there's no need to get all huffy about it because as long as we're able to discern what's good and bad (and stay away from the bad), it's fine to watch the movie and read the book.

Also, God calls us to be in the world but not of it. To be able to relate to people, we have to be able to connect with their interests, their pop culture, their likes, and their dislikes. If we draw the line at Harry Potter, what about all the other junk that's out there? Most movies have sex scenes or implications of sex, sleeping around is promoted in most TV shows, there's tons of violence in action and horror movies, popular music has awful lyrics that talk about alcohol, women, money, and sex... the list can go on forever. What makes Harry Potter worse than any of these other things? Is it because the occult is a darker and greater stronghold than perhaps violence or sexual promiscuity?

Are we to hide ourselves away in a cave to run away from this corrupted world so we don't open our minds to such wickedness? I don't think so. If we do that, we'll be unable to reach out to others because they'll think Christians are freaks who don't understand their culture at all. But then, if we do everything the world does and act like everyone else, what sets us apart from nonbelievers?  

My mind is filled with questions galore. I'm not entirely sure where I stand on this issue, because I think it's a fine line. I don't think we can draw a line between black and white and say 'this is right' and 'that is wrong,' because there's a heck of a lot of grey areas.

I think it's up to the individual to evaluate and discern for his or herself. If you think doing something will stumble yourself or even your fellow brother or sister, then don't do it. But if you think you're okay with simply watching or listening to something and you won't be affected by it, then go ahead. Although... there is some truth to the fact that everything we expose our minds to has some sort of impact on our subconsciousness.

So... I really don't know.
Because... I love my TV shows, I love my hip hop songs, and I love my celebrity magazines. Yes, I know they all promote sex, drunkenness, promiscuity, unhealthy body image, materialism, and all that. And I admit, I have been influenced by their moral standards. But they're so entertaining, and to some degree, addicting. However, I honestly have connected to people (especially nonbelievers) on some level by talking about our identical interests in these things. Maybe there is a better way to relate to people besides this, or maybe if my walk with God is stronger I will somehow be immune to the corruption of the world... I'm not sure.

This issue is just confusing, and it's one I struggle with a lot. I'm a huge advocate for being up-to-date on popular culture, especially since I have a media communication degree, because even with all the filth and dirt that's in pop culture nowadays, it still has its redeeming qualities. Plus, let's face it - the entire world is consumed and affected by pop culture, and I believe the mass media can be one of the most effective ways to reach out to people.

"I'm an atheist, I'm fine"

That's a common response I've gotten from lots of people I've talked to here in England. It really saddens me to think that these people consider themselves 'fine' without God in their lives, when really, the opposite is true. This attitude is probably the toughest one to change, because if you think you're doing fine in life, obviously you won't feel you need God or any sort of higher power to give you meaning or purpose in life or even just help you make it through the day.

So here's one of the atheists I encountered here while doing ministry.

One of the hardest, and quite honestly, least enjoyable, ministries my team has been doing is going door-to-door to give out flyers to invite people to church events or activities. It's been unsuccessful, to say the least. No one answers the door, people run and hide when they see us coming, they shake their heads and make angry faces at us... and for the kind few who bother to actually open the door, most of them claim to be busy with kids, work, or they just politely tell us they don't want us intruding on their privacy. Because it is their home - their private sanctuary - and we're totally overstepping our boundaries. At least that's how I feel. So no time is a good time to do door-to-door. I also think this ministry's gotten a bad reputation from all the other groups like Jehovah's Witnesses or Mormons or other religious groups that use this as their primary means to reach out to people.

Every time we have to do door-to-door, my partner and I trudge grudgingly in the freezing cold through the rows of houses and attempt to joke about our pathetic-ness to make us feel a little better about all the rejection we're facing. But one day, as our spirits were drooping to the ground from being ignored for about 50 times, a man in his late 20s finally opened the door and agreed to do our personal beliefs survey. That is, after he made the disclaimer that he was an atheist and he was doing quite fine without God.

Not surprisingly, all his answers were negative about God. But rather surprisingly, he actually remained in his doorway and started a conversation with us about God after completing the survey. He gave us all sorts of reasons why God didn't exist, and he claimed to have studied theology and religion in school, but came to the conclusion that there was no point in life because once we die, that's it.

He said if God did exist, he would be too infinite and powerful for us to even understand him or what he wants to tell us, for his references are beyond ours, what with our tiny, insignificant human minds and all. He also said if God was the benevolent and merciful God he was, why would he send people to hell? Wouldn't he let all kinds of people into heaven even if they didn't believe in him?
Another point he made - one that's really common here - was that he was a good person who treated people well and did charity work, and so he really didn't see a need to have God in his life. Because why ruin a good thing?

So we talked to him for about 20 minutes and tried our best to give him answers to his questions. But he was pretty stubborn and set in his ways. When we left, he was still clinging to his belief that God didn't exist, but he thanked us for giving him something to think about because he genuinely enjoyed the conversation. So even though he may not have received God into his life right there and then, I think we made a small impact on his life just by talking to him with open minds and withholding judgment about his beliefs, as different as they were from ours.

After that, I was totally energized about door-to-door. I guess when we face 50 rejections in a row, it really is God rushing us along to the right door so we can meet the people he wants us to meet and have the conversations he wants us to have. Some kind of conversation is definitely better than nothing.

Conversations and discussions about God

Last week, we had a '48 hour prayer' event, which was good, fruitful, tiring, and overwhelming all at the same time. Everyone came back to the base for day-long sessions consisting of lectures, prayer times, and group discussions. We had two guest speakers come and talk to us about... I don't really remember, because their voices had THE most soothing and monotonous tones I've EVER heard in my life. It was a complete struggle to stay awake, and I may or may not have given in to the sleeping monster once or twice (or most of the time).

Plus we stayed up until the wee hours of the night talking and catching up in the girls' dorm, since we haven't seen each other in a while. It was so good to vent our frustrations about the program, the ministry, and the people and just laugh about it. So it was a combination of exhaustion, soothing voices, and sitting down in a closed room for hours that made me fall asleep and miss out on the speakers' message. But at least half the people were in dreamland too, so that made me feel a little better, although I felt bad for the speakers - it's really not their fault they have such calm and sleep-inducing voices. I really wanted to record their voices to use whenever I have insomnia, but I thought that might be a little over the top.

All that being said... the few times I managed to pinch myself hard enough to keep awake and listen, the message was really thought-provoking and interesting. We learned about ourselves through some Johari diagram where your personality is split into 4 areas - one part you show genuinely to others, one part that is a facade you show to others, one part you hide from others, and one part you don't know about. We also learned about God, and had updates from a couple who spent the last few years in Jerusalem reaching out to Jews, which was really interesting.

We also learned about this organization that is helping the Dalit children in India. I was totally awake for this one, because it was fascinating and horrifying and heart-wrenching all at the same time. I learned about the caste system in India in primary (or maybe secondary) school a long time ago, and I thought it was all in the past, but little did I know I was wrong. The speaker showed us videos and pictures and information about how the Dalits (the lowest people in the caste system) are mistreated because their lives are worth less than nothing. The things we heard... oh the horror. I really cannot imagine how human beings can treat other human beings so cruelly. It just pains my heart to think of how some people don't even have the basic freedom and rights to survive.

God made us all equal; I don't understand how some people can have such disregard for the life of another human. It's just... wrong. But the country isn't acknowledging the problem, so lots of people don't know about it. I just hate hearing about these things. I get so upset and then I want to do something to help, but I have no clue what I can do, and it's times like these that I wish I had all the money in the world so I could at least contribute a little to alleviate their suffering.