spent the weekend at a retreat in springhill camp, indiana. left early afternoon friday and drove 2 1/2 hours to the campsite with 3 other people from TCA. we weren't too sure what to expect. but it turned out pretty awesome. got there early, set up the equipment.. i learned how to assemble a whole drumset from pieces. haha. our band led worship for about 60 middle school/high school kids (13-18 yrs old) 4 times this weekend. they were pretty awesome about it, considering the youth pastor described them as 'awkward during worship'. haha. such cute little kids. so hyper too. but so guai and good at listening when they have to! i was impressed.
most of our songs we improvised on the spot, cuz didn't really have time to practice. and it turned out fine. although i messed up a little on drums..haven't played that in a while. but it was really fun!!! to get to play in a worship band again. :) no stress too..cuz they were kids. no high expectations. just worshipping God. got to go shopping/exploring the nearby places on sat. bought cheap stuff from Gap :) been a while since i've shopped. was pretty surprised by how clean the campsite was. the toilets were like A+++ for camp toilets. and the cabins were pretty nice. minus the dead bugs on the floor. and the food was good. and i got to know the group better. so overall the weekend definitely exceeded my expectations :)
Really glad i went. cuz initially didn't wanna go. but adam wanted me to go so...i went. and i think God really wanted me to go. and i've been really blessed even though i sacrificed time and didn't manage to study at all for my exam on mon. He spoke to me in so many ways through the speaker. i thought it was kinda ironic that it took a speaker at a kids' retreat for God to finally get through to me. really enjoyed the opportunity to minister through worship.
so the theme of the retreat was Moment of Truth. and they had all these games about truth. really creative and entertaining. the speaker told us to complete this sentence: When God thinks about you, He's...
and i dont know why but the first word that came to my mind was 'disappointed'. and i was like, wow. that IS really what i think of myself. that i'm a disappointment to God. cuz.. I don't know..all the things i've been doing..or not doing..like spending time with Him..so that really struck hard. i dont wanna be a disappointment to God! and i dont think He is actually disappointed in me. but it just feels that way cuz i haven't really been living for Him.
and then this song came to mind. haven't heard it in a long long time. but it just re-appeared.
"You love me just because You love me, You love me for eternity
and all the times we had together, oh Lord it's just not enough
My first love, my heart's desire, is only You"
Lord this is my prayer!
and then he talked about the future and what jobs we wanna have. and i thought about how i wanted to be a journalist. but why? cuz i wanna meet celebs? get famous? travel the world? all these have nothing to do with God! and it reminded me of a conversation i had with a friend..and how she was sooo on fire for her future career cuz she wanted to do it for God. and then she asked me how journalism could glorify God, and i was kinda at a loss for words. i really dont know how i'm gonna use it for God, cuz obviously the media industry is pretty corrupted. but..i'm just gonna trust that wherever i end up, and whatever i end up doing..God will somehow use me for the furtherance of His kingdom.
and lastly he talked about Matt 6. where Jesus says that wherever your treasure is, there your heart will be also. and it got me thinking...what IS my treasure? what do i consider precious to me? and then i realized..if one day i lost all my music, my clothes, my relationships with loved ones...i would be completely heartbroken. but my relationship with Jesus has been gradually deteriorating this semester and what have i done? Nothing. that says something about my priorities. i keep telling myself i have to do something about it, but i never do. does Jesus mean so little to me that i can't even give up 15 minutes of my day to spend with Him? 24 hours in a day and i spend it on tv, music, friends, hw, sleeping, eating. wow. i should stop wasting my time. i need to change. i want to change.
Lord help me find my joy and my strength in You again! Help me to live for You and not out of selfish ambition.
"keep my eyes fixed ever on Jesus' face. let not the things of this world ever soil me. i'll run till i finish the race."
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