Live like we're dying

I think this song is so interesting, and so true. Life is so short and so unpredictable. We ought to live each day like we were dying. Then we would be so much more honest, vulnerable, open, and loving toward each other. Don't you think? I think if I had a few days left to live, I would fly home immediately and spend every waking moment with my family and friends. Doesn't even matter what we do... or what we eat. Some people say that if they were dying they would like their last meal to be ______. But I think when it comes down to it, nothing else matters except being with the ones you love. You could sit together in silence the entire time, and it would still be beautiful. 

Okay, I don't know why I went off on that tangent. Well I guess I do. I kind of miss my family and I'm really looking forward to seeing my parents because I really need someone to be accountable to. Also kind of why I'm taking a gap year. I need to deal with my struggles and get my priorities straight before I go off to live in NYC (if I ever do), corrupt capital of the world. Sometimes I worry about myself, I might seem stable and strong, but I'm so easily influenced, it's not even funny.

Anyway, this week has been pretty uneventful. At this point, I have given up on studies and my mind is totally off in summer mode. In class, I either sleep or chat with friends on my computer or space out. I don't know what's happening to me... usually I'm so hardworking and I do all the assignments way ahead of the deadline. But now, with just 2 weeks of classes left until I leave Taylor forever, academics just seem unimportant. They're pushed to the back of my mind, because all I want to do is spend time with people.

Somehow I feel like I will probably never see some of my friends here again, just because we're all on such different paths in life, and they'll probably end up all over the world. And that just makes me so nostalgic and sad, so I want to spend all the time I have left here with people. And not with my head buried in the books. Because relationships are ultimately more important to me than some class I will probably never remember 10 years from now. But thankfully the workload in my classes is dying off, so I don't have much to do, except finals, which I don't care about. I'm resigned to my GPA not going any higher than 3.8/4.0 anyway. I guess a 3.7 is just as good. Hopefully it gets me into graduate school a year from now in NYC. We'll see about that.

So I've been hanging out a lot with this one friend I've known since freshman year, but we've never been super close until now, when we've found out we both have a common interest - partying. And she's pretty crazy, so I've been learning a lot from her... about interesting things. haha. Too much information to go into detail.

But I think, even though I like to go out and have fun, there's three things I won't ever do: Drugs, smoking, and sex. Even though sometimes it's kind of hard because everyone else is doing it and I feel so pressured and people poke fun at me for being the 'party pooper' or whatever. And sometimes it's overwhelmingly tempting. But I know I'll regret it if I do any of those 3 things, and I don't even want to think about the consequences, so... I keep my ground as best as I can. But sometimes I'm afraid I'll give in, especially if all my good friends are doing it.

Tuesday we went shopping, and it was such a relief to get away from campus and go to the city. I didn't really buy much though, just necessities; I've been on a saving kick. I've been much less reckless with my money this year, maybe it's because I'm graduating and I have to start working sometime and I'm finally realizing money doesn't grow on trees. Plus my brothers want to go to med school, and that's expensive.

Friday we went to the play, called 'Crimes of the Heart,' which was actually pretty decent. Normally I fall asleep at Taylor plays because it just bores me, but this one I actually liked. Too bad we left early to go to Indianapolis, and... the night ended up being a little too crazy for my liking. I feel like people have been telling other people stories about me. My reputation is probably going down the drain, but oh well, in 2 weeks I won't have to deal with this anymore. It's so weird, because at a state school, this would be totally normal. But just because this is conservative Taylor, it's like a huge deal.