It was time. Fighting against the relentless torrent of rain and wind threatening to soak us, we splashed across puddles and headed toward Rosemont Ballroom, the scene of an emotional experience to come. We walked and walked... for what seemed like 15 minutes, and finally reached the end of the line, behind hundreds of people. Nervousness welled in the pit of my stomach, and i wondered if we'd be able to even catch a glimpse of the band, being so far behind the crowd.
The clock slowly ticked on. An hour passed; it was 8 and we were still waiting in line. Impatience and restlessness surged through my veins. Finally the line moved. We made it through security and went up to the balcony, where we snagged places at the railing, ensuring ourselves a completely unobstructed view of the concert. I marveled at the throngs of people below us, realizing this was the first time I was attending a Christian concert. Being used to rowdy, boisterous crowds at rock pop concerts, these people seemed relatively tame and.... actually friendly in comparison. No 'F' words were uttered, no uncontrollable mosh pits, just people patiently waiting around. Shocking.
.A Whirlwind of Mixed Emotions.
The lights dimmed, and the crowd gave out a roar of excitement. A tingle went down my spine as I waited in anticipation for the band to appear and kick off the concert. At the same time, a sliver of apprehension abruptly seized me.
What on earth was I doing at a Christian concert when I wasn't doing so well in my walk with God? I guess 'not doing well' is an understatement. More like where was my non-existent relationship with Jesus.
I had pushed Jesus to the back of my mind, right between algebra and the periodic table, where dust and cobwebs had set up shop. So it made no sense that i'd want to attend this concert/huge worship session with other Christians. But everything happens for a reason. Before I could probe further into it, the band bounced on stage, and everything else after that was a blur.
As the first note struck the air, I suddenly felt a tinge of discomfort, like I didn't deserve to be there, praising the same God as all these other Jesus-loving, righteous people. But I brushed the feeling away, determined not to waste my 47bucks.
.#1 Fan.
I had always loved the songs Hillsong United produced, not only for their catchy tunes, but mostly for their meaningful lyrics, most of which have been tremendously encouraging during low points of my spiritual walk. And they definitely did not disappoint.
I was particularly enamored with Brooke Fraser, singer of songs like 'Hosanna,' 'Lord of Lords,' 'None but Jesus' and 'Desert Song,' all my absolute favorites. Countless times I listened to those songs and found myself tearing up as I remembered God's faithfulness and love in my life.
.The Word came to Life.
After several songs, a guy took over the stage and delivered a short sermon. At first I was like, I didn't sign up to be preached at. What is this guy doing on stage? But then every word he spoke was like a dagger piercing deep into my heart.
"There are some of you in the crowd today.. you don't know why you're here. Maybe you've been a Christian your entire life, but now you're just so far away from God, and you're hardened to Him. You might be here in New York, running away from something... You might think God doesn't, couldn't love you, for all the things you've done..."
Warm tears swelled up in my eyes. I rapidly blinked them away, hoping no one noticed. But after a quick glance around, I realized no one was paying attention to anyone else. They were all caught up in their own conversation with God. I decided to do the same.
Oh Lord... I don't know what to say to you. How can You want me back when I've fallen so far? How could you still love me after all the things I've done? I knew it was wrong, and yet I still did it. I put the things of the world above You. And now I'm in NYC, running away from You and hiding from everyone at home because I didn't want to be held accountable for anything. I just wanted to live my life the way I wanted to. I didn't even think I deserved Your grace... How could You love someone like me?
And then the opening lines of 'All i need is You' resounded in the concert hall.
... Got every reason to be here again, Father's love that draws me in, all my eyes wanna see is a glimpse of You...
I realized there was a reason I 'randomly' chanced upon the Hillsong concert in New York, and there was a reason I got tickets right before it got sold out. Jesus was behind it all. and He wanted me back.
.Jesus has *poked* you.
Brook Fraser gave an analogy about the silversmith, who heats up metal and then removes the impurities that rise to the surface. In the same way, God lets us go through trials and struggles and low points in life, so that all our negative elements come to the surface, and He can skim it off until He finally sees His reflection in our faces. Then she sang 'Desert Song,' and it totally melted my heart.
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me, Lord, through the flames
All of my life, in every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
Tears again. I totally feel like I'm in the desert. But you know what? My God is a God who provides. And my faith is definitely worth more than any clubbing experience in the world. And in every season, in every struggle and weakness, He's still God. It was a simple but powerful revelation. I guess He still loves me... despite all my yuckiness. It felt like a mini-breakthrough. Not completely out of the desert yet, but one step closer.
The worship leader (have no idea who any of them are. i loved how they put the total emphasis on God and not themselves. they never even introduced their names, the lights on stage were always from behind, so all we could see was their figures and not their faces. so we weren't worshipping them but God.) talked about how NYC would be nothing without its people. People are what make the character of the city.
and you know what? I would be nothing without my people. my family and spiritual family to be my support in times of need. and I would be nothing without my God.
So I'll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
I'll stand, my soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours
.What a Night.
To end the night off, what more appropriate song than 'Your name high' (whoaaaa ohhh) and 'One Way?' It was immensely profound, watching everyone put aside their differences and worship one God. Seeing them jump and dance and clap and lift their hands in praise, I was struck by the fact that this was my first time feeling so comfortable and at peace worshipping God in the US.
Maybe it was the dim lights, maybe it was everyone doing their own thing and not looking at others, maybe it was the use of contemporary songs instead of hymns, or maybe it simply the fact that i was beginning to find my way back to the cross.
I was also struck by the fact that usually at secular concerts, everyone's having a good time idolizing the band and lapping up their songs and everything they say. But here, it was undoubtedly all about the Man upstairs.
So that was my experience. (I'm trying out a new thing called 'openness and honesty.')
Anyway, here's photo documentation.
The multitudes of people - young, old, white, asian, hispanic... all praising Jesus. What a glorious sight.
Me and Liz. She goes to Taylor too and lives in NYC (so lucky!)
Brooke Fraser, my new favorite gorgeous singer.
After the concert, we just about lost our voices and our hearing.
Walking around Times Sqaure on a Friday night was so fascinating. I LOVE IT. although this picture doesn't do it justice.
No comments:
Post a Comment