Yesterday, I went to the Sarpino’s office to help out with the business’ bookkeeping and accounting. I sorted through messy files, entered data into the computer, wrote down a bunch of numbers, and most of all, realized I never want to be an accountant. Ever. Just thinking about data entry and numbers gives me a headache. And all those big words… About legal stuff and banking stuff and business stuff… I don’t think I could set up my own business. Too much detail that I couldn't care about. I’m just happy to be the writer and let others handle the boring side of the business.
So I’m thankful I chose the right major in college, because I never once regretted it. People always say the average person switches majors at least 5 to 7 times in college, but I never even thought about the possibility. So yes, I’m definitely glad to be holding the degree that suits me to a tee.
Today, I woke up with a familiar blinding pain in my abdomen.
Hello period, you’re right on time, every three weeks you haunt me relentlessly like a ghost.
Well, it’s okay. This time, I will try to be thankful that at least I can feel pain, and I’m not numb in the physical sense, as well as the emotional or mental sense. I think one of the scariest things that could happen to a person is to become numb… To pain, suffering, hurt, sorrow, rejection, anger, emotions. Because once you’ve reached that stage, there’s no telling what evils you’re capable of. I mean, a person who’s numb won’t feel any remorse or horror for their actions, and who knows what they’ll do then. I think that’s what happened to most of the murderers and criminals in the world. The idea of another human being hurting or suffering just doesn’t affect them anymore, and so that’s why they’re able to dish out such cruel and grotesque punishments even on innocent people.
It’s sick, really, and sometimes it makes me nauseous, hearing about all the preposterous stories about abominations going on around the world. It also sparks off a tiny bit of curiosity in me, because you really have to wonder what it was that made those people the way they are today. Was it a nightmarish childhood? An abusive parent? Being rejected all their life? There must be something significant that happened in each and every one of their lives that caused them to become to numb, because I don’t believe anyone could just wake up one day and decide to go on a killing spree. That kind of monstrous behavior takes years of shaping and molding, propelled by all kinds of pain and suffering in the person’s life.
Actually, this is kind of interesting. Maybe I should’ve been a psychologist. That was my initial idea anyway, before entering into college… Until I realized that to obtain a psychology degree one had to take several math classes, such as statistics, and so I hurriedly pushed the idea out of my brain immediately, because the trauma of going through statistics in junior college was still fresh in my mind.
But I do wish I could read people better, so I could interpret things in between the lines and understand what their words really mean. I’m a little oblivious to things sometimes. I guess it’s just my apathetic nature showing forth. And yes, I do wish I wasn’t so indifferent. A teacher once called me that in primary school – indifferent. I had to look it up in the dictionary, and when I realized it meant unconcerned and having no interest, I was tremendously indignant. But now I think she might have been right. Maybe if I were less apathetic my life would be going places already. But for now I’m just content with drifting along and doing whatever…
I wonder why I don’t have the drive and determination like some other people. Maybe it’s because I’ve grown up in a comfortable home and I’ve had things handed to me all my life. Like a good friend once said to me, ‘Blessings always reign down on your life.’ And while I laughed it off at the time, I think she was probably right, because I’ve been so blessed with good grades and wonderful opportunities all my life even though I don’t deserve any of it. So I guess I’ve been taking things for granted. Time to get off the couch and get my hands dirty.
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