What if God's plan for me is to be single forever? Some people have that 'gift,' and I seem to be pretty different from others in terms of no relationship experience, no desire to be attached, high independence level... stuff like that. I mean, I never minded being single, because I got to do what I wanted, whenever I wanted, however I wanted. And I like to think I'm pretty independent, so I don't really need someone else to 'complete' my life. But... at the same time... I'm already 23. What if God is hinting to me that I am meant to be alone for the rest of my life? I don't want to be that old lady with her 10 cats. I don't even like cats!
This photo doesn't really have anything to do with what I'm talking about. I just thought it was cool.
I admit, this issue brings out certain things I've always struggled with, such as my constant search for love, acceptance, approval, appearance, and all that. Sometimes it makes me wonder, am I really that unlovable? How come this person and that person can find someone to love them when they seem to be 'worse' than me? Is there something wrong with me?
And then other times I realize there have been guys who have 'pursued' me, but I pushed them away because apparently I have high standards. I guess I just couldn't see myself spending the rest of my life with them, so I didn't want to waste my time and theirs.
Ultimately, it's not about me being worried that I can't find anyone; it's about me being worried that I will be all alone for the rest of my life (with my 10 cats), and loneliness is a scary thing to deal with, because I get bored easily, and usually it's because there's no one to hang out with or do things with.
This is what the article says.
"God does call some of us to remain single, even if the opportunity to marry presents itself... But this means loneliness. How well I and every other single Christian knows loneliness. It has been my biggest struggle in life. I think that's why over the past decade I've put so much effort into learning to hear the voice of the Lord; just a simple phrase from Him eases my loneliness and keeps me going for weeks."
And this is a quote from Benedict Groeschel, who wrote the book 'The courage to be chaste':
"The single person facing life alone may feel intimidated in the world of couples. There is often no one waiting at the airport, no one with whom to discuss problems, no one to call when you backed your car into a tree."
That's pretty depressing. The author's solution is to find a spiritual family, but still. It's not the same. I don't know what to think about this whole issue, except to trust that whatever God has in plan for me, He will take me through it, and I will never be alone because He is always with me. I know God will not make me go through more than I can bear, and as strong and stable as I seem on the outside, I'm really just as weak and flawed as everyone else.
This is the link to the article:
http://www.goodmorals.org/duin.htm
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