I never really thought about that. I guess I've been too busy worrying about the future to appreciate living in the present. But yes, the reality of leaving my comfort zone in school and entering the real world is beginning to dawn on me. I went to my last Airband, my last Nostalgia Night, my last wing retreat, and most recently, my last international spring retreat. This sense of nostalgia is just creeping up on me without notice. It's weird to think I'll never be doing any of these things again. But, as with all things in life, I must move on.
The retreat was such a blessing from God. He knew I totally needed to go and hear what He had to say to me since it's been awhile. We had great fun laughing, playing games, cooking international food, worshiping, having our own Sunday service, and just hanging out and creating awesome memories. The seniors were a little nostalgic, and since only 7 of us female seniors went, we all roomed together in the cabin (the retreat was at Bear Lake Camp, this Christian summer camp about 2 hours away).
This is kind of what the interior of our cabins looked like. Very wooden and earthy and full of BUGS (but it's okay, because we spent most of our time in the main hall area)
This is kind of what the exterior of our cabins looked like. Surrounded by nature on all four sides and incredibly chilly since it was raining this weekend.
Oh it was so much fun - we played Apples to Apples, Things, random get-to-know-you games, table tennis, easter egg hunt, foosball... And I got to know some of the freshmen, which was cool, since I wasn't at international orientation in the fall. We made ethnic food for dinner - beef stir fry, korean bulgogi, chapati, and sour cream enchiladas. YUM.
But even though I enjoyed hanging out with these amazing people, I think the best part was definitely the sharing and hearing from God. We divided into small groups to talk about living in America, how it's different, how it affected our worldviews, how Taylor Christians are compared to Christians in other countries, etc.
We talked about how the Church in America is so divided, compared to elsewhere. Christians here are separated by denomination, beliefs, even trivial issues like church decor and structure. And if we can't even present a united front to the world as Christians, how can we expect nonbelievers to accept our faith? We also talked about Taylor being a safe, comfortable place to the extent where people took their faith for granted. We have all these activities and events to help us grow in our faith, and sometimes our act of worship for God becomes more of a responsibility than a conscious effort or a joy. And then we feel so contented in our little safe zone that we're afraid of stepping out into the secular world, so we continue on to Christian organizations and environments to work.
Something that always saddens me is how nonbelievers perceive Christians - the media loves to blow up instances of fallen Christian leadership that the public has come to see us as arrogant hypocrites. That's one of the top two reasons that prevents people from becoming Christians - the Christians themselves. And the other reason is the presence of evil and suffering in the world. But more on that later.
So I think these four years have been challenging in so many ways, emotionally and spiritually especially. But, they've also helped me grow and mature tremendously. I've learned so many things about myself, about the world, and about God. I used to be incredibly frustrated by all my Bible classes, because I didn't see the point of learning about all those trivial issues that divide us when we could just be a wholly united Church that simply believed in Jesus and His abundant love and grace. But my professor recently said something very profound, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.
One way to show God our love is to love Him with our minds, and that means learning all we can about Him and understanding who He is.
And I guess I never really thought about it that way before. But I see what he means. Now that I've learned about all this history behind the Bible, I am better prepared to give a reason for the hope I have. I think I used to be somewhat of a blind follower - not that I didn't know who God was or anything, but I just wouldn't know what to say if someone asked me why I believed in God, other than 'because He's real and I experienced His presence and you just have to have faith to know what I'm talking about.' So now that we've been discussing different kinds of issues like the evidence for the Resurrection and the doctrine of the Trinity and the Incarnation, I think I've come to a better understanding about my faith. And it really has strengthened my belief in God, because there's all this tangible evidence to back it up. Not that faith isn't enough, but sometimes it's hard because it's just so abstract and intangible.
So anyway, something that one of the guys shared really resonated with me, especially since I've been fretting over the future lately. He talked about how God has already been ahead of us; He has paved the way for us, and He will guide us through our journey step by step because that is just how great His love is for us. Something along those lines. And I know these things, I've heard them hundreds of times before, but somehow just hearing him say it was very encouraging. It definitely struck a chord.
And then for our 'Sunday morning service,' we had a bit of a creative worship time. They set up stations around the hall where we could draw, paint, read a devotional book, ask for prayer, journal, or sing - all in worship of God. It was a very interesting time, I enjoyed it a lot.
A couple of verses from the books spoke to me tremendously.
Deut 31:8
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.
Isaiah 30:21
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."
It just reminded me of how God is my only constant in life. People may change, circumstances may change, everything may change, but God will always be faithful. And even in my journey here at Taylor - no one can completely understand or empathize with my struggles, because I'm on such a different journey from others, but ultimately, God is always with me and He is all I need.
A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
Should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
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