more pics frm jamaica :)

this is our scavenger hunt that we did in the memphis airport..immigrants vs whites. and we won! hahaha. this is our human pyramid.

scavenger hunt..sleeping in the airport with some strangers. haha. they were really cool pple.

scavenger hunt..talking to a bunch of strangers.

scavenger hunt..throwing heather into the dumpster

i love this shirt! what part of NO don't u understand?? haha. we were bombarded by pple offering taxis, braids, weed..

katrina n her 2 asian buddies :)

lauren, me and katrina on the bus being bored.

me and josef. we called him gentle josef cuz katrina thinks he'll be a great dad. haha.

i got braids! sort of.

scavenger hunt..takin a pic with the cleaning staff in the airport

the emotion game..spying a cute guy/girl! :)

girls w beer bottles. trying to get into trouble. haha.

heather n me walking along the streets at night..being harrassed by jamaican guys. haha.

josh, heather n me on the phone. not really. i look really excited. heh.

katrina attacking me..for the 100000th time. :)

me,katrina and heather at Ming town! this awesome chinese restaurant we found in jamaica!

britney,me,heather and katrina walking along the streets.

katrina and me eating chinese food. yummyyyy.

the emotion game..josh being run over. notice how brit and me are happy. haha.

the emotion game..being proposed to by josh. i'm like eck. britney's like 'really???' incredulously. not happily. haha.

nothing left to lose

i love that song :)
anyway today was a gd but tiring day.

ystdy was the last U-turn (the kids ministry)..kinda bittersweet. not gonna see them for the whole summer! will kinda miss them. they're adorable but cheeky kids. cuz we were playing water bombs..it was mad chaos. imagine kids high on sugar from ice cream n cake..exposed to 3 boxes full of water bombs. heh. dangerous!

anw stayed up till like 4+am..so today was zombified. haha. had a 'sleepover' with some girls from my jamaica trip..only we didn't sleep over. we just went back to our rooms when we got tired. haha. i love those girls. so glad we're still hanging out. it was a common thought/worry that we would not see each other after jamaica, but..we've been doing stuff together..which is fun :) hung out n talked late into the night in lauren's room. then made a late night run to taco bell cuz we got hungry. got josh some food too. cuz this week is Social Justice Week at Taylor..so some pple are camping outside (in the freezing cold) with only cardboard boxes and one bland meal a day and 3 other things they can bring with them. don't really know the purpose of this cuz it's not like they're doing this in front of the government or something to protest. they're just doing it for awareness..which is..kinda weird. cuz awareness will not help the homeless unless u do something about their plight. so anw he was awfully thankful for our social services provision. haha.

got like 3 hrs of sleep then had to get up for my first meeting with the rest of the TWO (taylor world outreach) cabinet! cuz TCA co-director's part of TWO. so met other co-directors of other ministries, which was cool. was kinda like the current directors handing down the position to us..and they prayed for us n all. and i met the guy i'm gonna be working with next yr for TCA..turns out he's in one of my classes! haha. he's pretty cool. a freshman too..from albania. so he didn't grow up in the States. like me! and he plays the piano, guit and drums..like me!!! awesomeness. i think we'll get along :)

i fell asleep in most classes and skipped one cuz i was just so tired. but my fav class today was christian education :) cuz my prof kinda 'interviewed' me in front of the class and asked qns like what are the major differences and difficulties i faced when i came here..to a whole different culture..and did anyone do anything that really helped me.. and i realized i really like talking about my experiences. kinda made me think too. and it was nice to share with the class my struggles n all..cuz they're all white..and i don't think they understand the adjustments pple like me have to make. so i enjoyed that :)

talked about their individualistic culture vs our culture that's focused on family..and then told them how i envied the fact that they have the freedom of choice to do whatever they want in life and not be restricted by society/family expectations. like they can study art/music if they want. but to do that in s'pore would prob be considered suicide since that brings no future/money. and one guy was like, how can christian families think that way? what if God calls u to be a pastor? are ur parents gonna forbid u from following God's call? and that made me think. i don't know. i guess we just see serving God as a pasttime. not a full time service. most pple think we can have a job in the week and serve God during the weekends. but i think if u know what God wants u to do with ur life..u should just go for it and serve Him in ur career..not do something u don't want and serve Him on the side. know what i mean?

and also talked abt how sometimes they talk about tv/movies or stuff from their childhood i don't know..cuz i didn't grow up here..and sometimes it can feel like i'm left out cuz i don't know all this stuff. never really realized that before. and also the 'language barrier' where pple can't understand my accent. and how uncomfortable it made me to change it so they'd understand. and to have to think twice before saying something so i can phrase it how they'd understand. it's just tiring. makes me not wanna talk anymore after a while. takes so much effort just to say something. and my classmates were like, they never realized it was so tough before. so it was kinda nice to share with them how i felt :)

Dance Dance

*jumps for joy*
TODAY ROCKS! :)

so..i can hardly keep still. am so EXCITED! can't wait for next year! it's gonna be so AWESOME.
i interviewed for TCA co-director this afternoon..wasn't nervous at all cuz i thought maybe i didn't want it. funny how i always get rid of my nerves by telling myself it's not important to me and i don't care. haha. but it works. and so i just got an email telling me i got the position!!!! AAAAHHHHH!!!!

I am gonna be working with this guy i've never met, but..it should be ok. so basically my job will be to audition musicians (i've ALWAYS wanted to do that!! my dream come true!!! to sit on the other side of the auditioning table. hahaha) and then get them into groups..and then arrange for them to play at churches. plus spending 4hours a week in the TWO (taylor world outreach) office doing admin stuff. and meeting with lotsa pple. YAY! so super excited i can hardly keep myself from screaming for joy. haha. i guess it's suffice to say i really wanted this. out of all the things i applied for..i really wanted this!! THANK YOU LORD!!!! :) :) :) :)

and also i got into ISS (international students society) cabinet. i'm the secretary. hahahaha. don't die of shock. i can be organized k. plus that shouldn't be that much work. hopefully i can cope. heh. cuz i also applied for a job at the writing center (which i'm thinkin i'll drop cuz i don't really want that. haha) and a job as staff writer at the Echo (our sch newspaper). i LOVE BEING INVOLVED!!!

and one more thing.
I'M MOVING TO OLSON!!! woot woot!! yeaahhhhh. so excited i don't know what to say!!!! hahahaha. omg the room draw process was INTENSE. i was so stressed out like i've never been stressed out before! cuz most of the rooms were taken up..and we had to go by lucky draw to see who gets to go first n choose whatever room they want. and as God would have it, me and sung ah were LAST. sigh. almost had a nervous breakdown. initially we wanted third west, but now we're in FIRST WEST!! which i think is better. God always knows best. He closed up third west so we can be in first west!! turns out i know quite a few pple there..so... EXCITED!!!!!!!!! ok. need to calm down. haha. YAY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWmA8ejROYI

and here's the video me and sung ah worked so hard (well not really. but we sure stressed out alot about it. haha) to complete for our computer class. it's about her having a bad day and me annoying her. tell me what u think! i know, we're bad actors. but look past that. we were pretty irritated that day so..our bad acting is excusable. haha.

I LOVE MY LIFE!
just wanted to shout that out :)

Unwritten

today was TCA worship night! woke up at like 1pm. been super tired this n last week. so got some rest at last. at the expense of church..heh. i will go to chapel next week to make up for it!! anw..the worship night was pretty cool. laidback..unstressful..not bad turnout..although i was still kinda..arrggghhh at our worship leader who...didn't really know how to lead worship. sighhh. but that's ok. it's all over! it was a gd experience :)

finished filming our video for class. hope it's not too lame. heh. luke's awesome! he volunteered to do all our editing! yayy.
2 1/2 more weeks to home!! YAYYY!! excited. i love all the girls on my floor!! they're awesome!! we had java haus today..a performance thing..that clashed with TCA..which made me sad. oh well. i got to see some of them still in costume..and got to eat leftover cookies. yay.
have to run 1.5 miles tmr. boo. we had to workout 3 times a wk this whole semester for class. guess how many times i worked out. heh. less than 5? feel so bad. i lied on my workout sheet!!! i'll just workout frantically over the summer to make up for it. heh.

extraordinary

so...ystdy was me being depressed like always once a month. stuffed my face with chocs..now i'm fine. :)

ystdy was a pretty gd day though. performed our jamaica mime in chapel. in front of everyone. plus grandparents since it was grandparents' day. kinda weird. didn't really get the same reaction but we expected that..n throughout the day pple kept coming up to me n playing air guitar cuz i was the rocker. haha. was pretty entertaining. tried to film stupid cos104 video last night and tonight. pretty much a failure. dun feel like doin it anymore. such a lame video. sigh. just wanna get it over with.
TCA prac today was much better. less stressed. i always stress myself out. it's all in my mind. heh. kinda excited for our worship nite tmr..yay! plus went shopping in the afternoon. gd way to de-stress - spend money. always makes me happieeee.

although..still really wish i could transfer to some college in the city :( wonder if this is gonna haunt me my whole 4 years. it's pretty much my fault though. i didn't check taylor out at all. just came by faith. heh. if i'd known it was in the freakin middle of nowhere i would never have come. why are u doing this to me God????

Consuming fire

i'm stressed. by my huge workload, by all the deadlines, by the stupid project i have for a computer class. have to film a video and edit it, and that all takes time i don't have. by interviews coming up next week about leadership positions, jobs, stuff.

i'm stressed. by TCA. the concert's THIS weekend. THIS sun, which is kind of one day away. and we're not prepared. our bassist just quit. well not really but he kinda had a previous commitment. we sound pretty shitty. because the worship leader doesn't know how to lead. and she won't listen to me. am i that insignificant? SO FRUSTRATED. the way she does things..arranges songs..just..irritates me. doesn't sound right. doesn't sound how it's supposed to sound. then again, i voice out stuff and she bypasses me. wanna know why i'm so quiet? i'm just sick and tired of people ignoring me and pushing aside what i have to say. i'd rather just keep it to myself than risk putting myself out there and being vulnerable and hurt again.

i'm stressed. by chapel band. first my drummer quit, then now my pianist. what happened to 'we're so excited to do this next semester'??? people always let me down. i know God doesn't. but can God play the piano for me??? well i guess He can send someone to do that. i just wish He would. i feel like this is all on my shoulders. the whole band thing. like no one really wants to be in it, or they do and they just push everything to me and i'm supposed to get the whole thing together even though no one's free at the same time. and there's always this little nagging feeling at the back of my mind, telling me i'm not good enough. which is prob true.

i just wish i had the voice so i could lead worship. like actually lead. instead of just playing guit n backup singing. and this nagging feeling tells me that i won't make it. simply because i'm a girl. and worship leaders are always guys. don't disagree. everyone thinks guys make better worship leaders than girls. even songs are written for guys to sing. and we claim to live in a world of equal rights? i think not. plus there's always this little thing about me not being white. no matter how hard i/we try to ignore it, it's there staring me in the face. no matter how even the church/chapel leaders claim it doesn't affect serving the Lord, it does. even if it's affecting their decision subconsciously. life is unfair.

i'm stressed. by relationships. even though i've grown closer to so many people this semester, i still feel really guilty. for not making enough of an effort to build better relationships with the girls on my floor, who are all awesome. and somehow, no matter how hard i try to be alone, i'm never alone here. in the dorm. on campus. there's people everywhere. even in my room. i wanna have some space to myself..but no, my roomie comes in at sudden times..or pple barge in..or whatever. plus getting really upset with pple nowadays. gosh, we're in college. grow up already.

i'm stressed. by the distance between me and God. i thought i'd fixed that problem. but lately it's like, where are u God? and i know that if/when i'm close to Him, all my problems will..not necessarily vanish, but they'll grow smaller in magnitude, cuz what problem is there that my God cannot solve? i can't help but wonder why Jesus died on the cross for me - what did i do to deserve such sacrificial love?? what good was in me that He would want to save a person like me? why? i don't understand. i don't understand why You're so good to me when i push You aside to do something else. i don't understand how You could love me when i.. i don't know. all i know is that this is my prayer -

Consuming fire
Fan into flames
A passion for Your name
Spirit of God
Won't You fall in this place
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way with me.

A cold and broken Hallelujah

A cold mist of sadness engulfed campus today as lamenting memories intertwined with hope for the future. today was the day Taylor remembered those we lost in the accident last year. those who are with the Lord right now. there was a blanket of grief upon us all, a doleful atmosphere of sorrow, reflected in the depressing, dreary rain pouring down the entire day. as the raindrops flowed like tears slowly trickling down, i was hit by a wave of melancholy. i felt for the distressed family and friends who knew what it was like to lose someone to close, to never be able to see that person again. for the parents, who would never get the chance to see their child grow up and make something of their lives.

and i sat alone in my room, pondering to myself, processing through this incident that in some ways, seemed to divide the freshmen class from the others since we weren't around when the accident happened. it's hard to identify and sympathize with others, especially those who knew the vicitims. some people don't want sympathy. they just wanna be left alone, wallowing in their grief or anger.
and i thought of what it must be like to lose a sibling, a friend. and i just can't understand that. the pain must be unbearable, beyond imagination. the emptiness surrounding where the person used to be. the memories that..would forever stay memories. the brokenness and the turbulent emotions churning inside. i guess loss is a part of life. and we all have to deal with it. one way or another. and i'm really grateful i have my Father in heaven to turn to in times like these.

but u know, the Lord works in mysterious ways i would never be able to comprehend. even though it seems like nothing good can come out of tragedies like these, i know that somehow, in some unknown way, this incident has and will bring glory to the Lord. death seems so terrifyingly cold, but eternal life after death is a source of comfort, something to look forward to, something to live for, something to work towards.


Hallelujah

cooking fest

today we cooked up a storm! cooked/baked for like 3hrs..made korean pancake and egg tarts. and normally i practically puke at the sight of eggs, but i ate like so many egg tarts i never wanna see another ever again in my whole entire life! eccckkk. but they were reallyyyy good. i'm impressed at my abilities. haha. of cuz other pple were making it too. but..this is coming from me! me who tried baking cookies, only to find out no one would eat them..not even my bros..and they eat anything!

so..this is a gd improvement :) there was some celtic concert thingy at the student union..so we brought our food there. omg. lotsa pple made stuff..and it was all oh-so-yummy! there was like rum cake, some indian curry n roti, choc coconut balls, chai tea and other random stuff. made me wish i didn't eat dinner. haha. so..i promised myself i would only stay an hr then go back n study study study for the biggest Biblical Literature test yet..but..ended up stayin 3 hrs socializing. heh. so bad!!! we made up a new game - Extreme Penny Spinning. hahaha. like spinning coins n stuff. we get entertained pretty easily.

anw yesterday was our Jamaica after party! i love our group. we have so many get-togethers :) drove to Fort wayne (a town 1hr away) to our leaders' home for the day..their home was SO beautiful. like a little cosy cottage! omg. i so wanna live in a house like that. the weather was absolutely gorgeous..sunny and hot! made me happy. realized that the weather can indeed affect our mood! pple are grouchier, crummier and generally more depressed during winter. glad there's no winter in s'pore. so..mostly played games..ate dinner and hung out..learnt a few 'american' games..meaning childhood games the rest all knew but i didn't know. it was fun :) katrina was shocked i didn't know how to play checkers. then she asked me, how abt chinese checkers? and she was horrified i didn't know chinese chess..she went all, you're not a real asian!!! hahaha.

so i registered for classes in the fall today..most classes i'm takin are for my major. finally!!! exciteddd!! get to take media writing..personal foundations (for christian education), which i heard is the best class EVER! so i'm really psyched. yay! and decided not to take any summer courses. gonna slack!!!! and brush up on my guit n drum skills.. :) YAY for 3 1/2 wks to summer! plus i love summer clothes! :)

and more pics frm jamaica

me,josh and heather

janelle,brit,heather,lauren n me! after a gd dinner of jerk chicken :)

me n heather sleepin at chicago airport at 2am. tiredddd.

me,lauren and two boys at the boys' home

me and the two boys who followed me around and peppered me with questions. of cuz, they first got my attention by calling me 'china'. what else. haha.

lauren,brit,me and lauren eating italian ice cream after a hot day in jamaica :)

katrina, me and lauren waiting for our patties (which are kinda like curry puffs)

lauren,heather and me drinking Ting (a fizzy grapefruit drink. yum)

me n josef rockin it out on stage.

the students at my fav sch. they were so warm and responsive n happy to see us :)

us at the same school.

katrina, heather, josef, lauren and me at glistening waters ready to get into the boat. i was hoping i wouldn't get seasick. and i didn't! praise God :)

group pic on the boat.

crazy pic of us on our bus

the Love skit people on stage in our first school.

school worship team singing 'everlasting love' and doing the actions

cool pic of us in our yellow shirts listening to the awfully strict principal of the first school, which was an all girls school.

me,janelle,katrina and lauren on our work day. painting the retreat center we stayed at. the sun was BLAZINGLY scorchingly HOT.

josh and a boy up in the tree. he was teaching him spanish.

the students of the first school we performed at.

church worship team at the 2nd church we went to.

me,katie and lauren - party planners! this was during our jamaican send off party before we left for jamaica :)

janelle,lauren,me,brit practising for worship in a church

us on our bus.

two little kids sleeping on jake at an orphanage. awwww.

the boys at the boys' home. awfully rowdy and didn't really pay attention to us. but oh well. they loved it though when we spontaneously sang some songs they knew :)

the only 4 guys on our team of 15 lookin pretty bored. must be the principal rambling on and on about discipline. haha.

josef and little kid. guys playing with kids ... adorable :)

hahahaha. so..this was at my fav sch. jake was an awesome rocker in our mime..jumping from a chair n all..plus he gave away 2 free soccer balls. so this is a pic of him and his fan club. he literally had girls swarming all over him. it was pretty hilarious.

this is katrina. she's the craziest, funniest person i've ever met. love her!

me and katrina again. she looks pretty normal here. but believe me, she's not. haha. she loves to make me quote movies in my s'porean accent. haha.

me playing guit to a couple of old men at an elderly home. these people were so poor they had no place to stay. kinda sad.

us with our bus driver, chris. getting ready to leave jamaica. sad!

heather, brit and me cleaning the gate at robin's nest orphanage. the gate was like, originally almost black. we scrubbed our hearts out and managed to make it visibly white again. took us like 3 painful hours! look at me! i'm using a toothbrush to scrub the dirt! haha. but the results made it worth it. now the kids can have a clean gate! :)

Dunn's River Falls. the waterfall that we painstakingly climbed on our free day! was really fun. but my legs got sore the next day.

heather (in her braids!), me and brit at the jamaican airport waiting for our plane to arrive.

lauren, me and brit getting poked by a cactus. we were on top of a hill where u could see a great view of jamaica :)

heather and i - pretty happy but still not satisfied with our tans :)